Thursday, January 21, 2010

Thinking thoughts too big for me.

The concert was amazing, but I will write more on that later.  I promise.

Last night as I lay in bed trying to sleep I began to think.  I imagine this is the hardest part of the day for some people.  Where you are so tired that your body just wants to pass out but your mind is turning over a thousand tiny things, like rocks in a tumbler.  My brain is always trying to polish new ideas or reuse some old ones.

Lately I have been evaluating life.  I think it may be the new year, or possibly the fact that I turn contemplative every so often.  Something I read yesterday has been pinging around inside my head since we left portland yesterday.  This is paraphrased from the book "Whiter than snow"  it is a devotional by Dr. Paul David Tripp.  My mom got it for me for Christmas, and I was finally able to sit down and read the first few pages.

"Our lives are not one big decision after another.  We don't swing from life changing event to life changing event.  Our live is the sum of the thousands of small decisions we make each day."

Profound, right?  It got me thinking about my priorities in life.  What did I want my life to have been about once it was over?  Do I want people to remember me?  Am I okay with just being a decent person, and leading an average life?  Do I want to aim higher and have a larger margain for error?

These were the thoughts swimming through my head last night which had me wondering why I blog at all?  Am I really doing that great a job at chronicling our lives here in the northwest?  No, I suppose I'm not.  I think I do it as a way to make sense of the thoughts I have.  I do it to help keep sane.  I do it to try to fulfill my want to be famous...I know you aren't supposed to admit those things, but there you have it. 

I wanted to be an actress in High school.  I didn't persue that career, and the more I see people my age doing things I wish I could have done the more introspective I become.  I love my life.  I am content each day with what I have and who I am with.  My husband is the most amazing husband out there.  He sometimes drives me batty, but he is the love of my life.  Does that mean I can't have dreams and desires to do more?  No, I don't think it does.  I've been thinking more and more about what I will do when he leaves in September for another year unaccompanied.  Last time I moved back home and lived with my family.  That isn't really an option this time for a multitude of reasons.

I'll write more later.

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